Rhett - I assume, dear Scarlett, that Charles provided well for you?
Scarlett - Why yes, he did even though we were not married for long.
Rhett - Did he invest any of your money in options?
Scarlett - Well I wouldn’t know about such complicated matters, I am afraid.
Rhett - So the topic of a strike never came up?
Scarlett - Certainly not. Charles was a gentleman and never laid a hand on me.
Rhett - And you knew nothing, then, about expiration?
Scarlett - No, sadly, his death came as a complete shock to everyone.
Rhett - Well then clearly he would not have had time to explain naked calls, I assume.
Scarlett - Sir, how dare you! This is not proper talk in my house, especially as I am recently a widow.
Rhett - My apologies, dear lady. But I must inquire: Did Charles not hedge your portfolio?
Scarlett - He did have a very nice hedge planted around my garden area, if that is what you mean. Yes, I do so enjoy my hedge.
Rhett - However, it is imperative that you understand at the very least the distinction between long and short positions.
Scarlett - I do like my men on the tall side, it is true. And I will admit, Charles was not a tall man; he wore a 36 short and although I overlooked his physical limitations, I did appreciate our time together.
Rhett - Frankly, Scarlett, I have the sense that we are not communicating about the same matters. Do you not realize we are entering a severe bear market?
Scarlett - Sir! a lady is always properly attired when going to the market. I would never, never appear in the public without my modesty under control.
Rhett - I am only asking, my dear lady, that you develop an understanding of the underlying stock.
Scarlett - It is sadly true that our cattle was slaughtered in the crossfire of the battle, and that they are buried on the grounds.
Rhett - By “underlying stock," I meant --
Scarlett - Kind sir, I am finding all of this double talk to be most frustrating. Please leave me now … I must prepare for tomorrow. It is the third Friday of the month and I expect with the battle raging around us, there will be many more expirations before the weekend is done.
Rhett - I have no doubt.
Scarlett - I do not want to appear volatile, but what are you implying, sir?
Michael C. Thomsett is an investing and options author and has also written for FT Press’ Agile Investor series, which can be viewed on FTPress.com. Thomsett’s latest FT Press book is Trading with Candlesticks.